Friday, July 6, 2007


Sometimes I think of our PO as a benign (but considerably less genius) version of Bloody Stupid Johnson.

Don't have cable television in all rooms of the house, including the additions? Just make holes in all the exterior and interior walls and run yards more cable through!

Can't pay for the alarm system anymore? Hey, why not just cut the wire and shove it under the carpet?

Family members don't appreciate your scintillating sense of humor? Scrawl, in permanent marker, 'the queen is a lezbo!' on the inside of your workshop cabinet and get a secret chuckle every time you open it. (Seriously, what!?)

Dining room not deadly enough? Bust a socket of your low-hanging light fixture and leave bare live wire sticking out. Make rowdy houseguests run the Electric Gauntlet.

Don't feel like moving entertainment stand to install new carpet? Don't bother -- carpet can be cut around your furniture.

Front door keeps denting baseboard heater? Install a doorstop...

...inside the heater.

1 comment:

Muskego Jeff said...

Your posts are giving me flashbacks to a condo I renovated a couple years ago. I threw out my gloves with the carpet we removed. Cat piss in the corners, cat litter which worked it's way through the carpet and into the baseboards, etc. Junk everywhere which needed to be removed before we could start work. I'm just glad I didn't have to live there, as the shower didn't work and I'd have killed myself if I couldn't get a LOOOOONNNNGGG shower after a day working there. You are obviously making a huge difference on that house.